Ashamed of Women on PNN

Ashamed of Women

Posted by phoenixfire75 Posted on: 08/04/08

Ashamed of Women

Being sick enforces the old childhood luxery of being on the couch and watching television all day - something my normal schedule does not allow. Cuddled up in my jammies and blanket with the Kleenex box close by, I watched TV until I couldn't stand it anymore.
Jeez - the images of women I saw had me in tears by the end of the day. From all the commercials with the women STILL doing all the housework to women's reality TV shows that showed either Bayside bimbos or manical trailor trash screaming at each other. OMG - what have we allowed the media to force down our throats? Why haven't we raised a cry about it?? Are we all asleep and don't care?
There is also an insidious trend I found with news journal programs from "Snapped" to "Dateline" (a version on W the women's channel), concentrating on women who kill. There is this implied tone that you - yes, you women out there in the world - this could be you and we know it and you know. It is a terrible thing to kill your husband/lover/partner and we are watching you.
Yes - taking another's life is tragic...but after watching one of these whose husband openly cheated on her, brought home a STD, and mocked her in front of her children, I would kill the bastard, too.
What takes my breath away is that it is implied any relationship is better than nothing and if the man gets mad/beats/cheats/walks away, we should take it and sink mildly back. Wait - flashback - didn't I protest with millions of other women back in the 70's re. this issue - NO MORE SILENCE. That a human being would callously plan a murder is one thing...but there is a lesson about personal boundaries and whose crossing them first.
I also found that, if I were an African - American woman, I would be pounding on the door of every media company's CEO, and be demanding to be heard. I kept dozing off during a show called "Bridezillas", but every time I'd come to, I'd seen a black woman being a bullying, mean, downright nasty attituded human being. I was wondering not only at their reasons for getting married, but where was the pride - their pride - in allowing themselves to be portrayed like this! I finally turned everything off.
When I'm feeling better - I'll be writing! Moreover, if it was by husband and son watching spilled soda crawl towards the rug, and did nothing but debate how many sheets of paper towels it would take to clean it up, dinner and the rug cleaning would be ON THEM!

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You have brought up a number of points here, I will have to sleep on a reply. :-)

By PhotoRanger on August 10, 2008 02:28
One of the few things I espouse about feminism is that it is a philosophy of options--and it should not be a concept exclusive to feminists either--but that is a conversation for another day. Let's focus on the example of a woman whose husband is a cheating, abusive, and a poor example of husband and father. I think if someone would have pulled this young lady over, before she got married, and said "Why exactly are you marrying this guy? Is it so you could just stay at home and raise kids? Because if it is, you should be looking for some qualities--some of these qualities this man may be lacking." Things may have been very different. (continued next message)

By The Photo Ranger on August 11, 2008 17:38
Do not get the idea that I am against women wanting to get married and raise children. If they are going to do it, more power to them! The world needs more smart, moral, ethical, and kind people. And it takes a lot of effort to raise a child let alone a couple. But if you have a husband who is not involved or worse causes consternation - the impact on you and your children can be horrendous. (continued next message)

By The Photo Ranger on August 11, 2008 17:38
As for the snapped part, this is where the community fails; I do not know how much support she had. But even in conservative Christian circles - even ultra conservative Christian circles - it is not acceptable for a male to repeatedly cheat and expect the wife to sit and take it. And as much as I hate the whole concept of 'Divorce' it is allowable if not encouraged in similar situations. Murder is not acceptable in any case; it is a long term solution to a short term problem and will not help the children. The problem as I see it - this woman did not see other options - if her husband was the sole provider (something which I do not personally have problems with) then she is going to need money to survive away from him. (continued next message)

By The Photo Ranger on August 11, 2008 17:39
. That is an awful bit of leverage a corrupt man can have over his wife. And with most men, including myself (in some deep dark level which I would not want to lay claim to) like that notion - perhaps that any given moment his wife will not get up and leave--at least partly because he hold's the salary. What the men should be asking is this, "Do I want a wife who is only staying with me because I am holding her financially hostage?" What kind of relationship is that? None of the answers to that question result in anything in the same zip code of 'healthy'. Sadly a lot of really bad men will answer, "Yes" for selfish reasons. Too bad for them as the women whom they hold hostage may snap and murder them, or find a really good lawyer and make them pay for breaking the foundations of the marriage contract. (continued next message)

By The Photo Ranger on August 11, 2008 17:40
But I digress, this woman should have been actively seeking out other options--it can be rough, but shelters exist for just such situations. I have seen it work in a couple of situations and at least one recently.

By The Photo Ranger on August 11, 2008 17:40
Dear PR: Nice to hear from you (and I checked out your site...wish I had the talent to capture pictures like you!) Having read many books, listened to many so called 'experts', and been a keen observer of the men who have entered into, left, or stayed in my life, I have drawn some basic conclusions that run alongside of your ideas. I think that men are human. I think they get scared. I think they as much a product of advertising and environmental and societal pressures and expectations as women are. I do not think that men have to know or should know everything. Nor should the burden of protecting and taking care of the family fall exclusively on their shoulders. I would have hoped by now that the women's movement would have liberated men from feeling this enormous pressure. Instead, I see mean men (born out of their fears) becoming meaner. I see women back pedaling in acceptance of this intolerable behavior, and I see media reinforcing that cycle of behavior. The whole thing

By phoenixfire75 on August 12, 2008 12:40
is a nasty circle and a tolerance of the worst parts of both sexes. Killing is not acceptable - but what about someone who tries to 'kill' another's spirit - we have no laws against that and that is where we should. I remember reading somewhere that the Torah says, "the person who kills the soul of child shall be treated as if he kills the whole of the universe." There are worst things than death; perhaps if we could all stop 'killing' each other's spirits - if that was looked upon as a grave crime - that our relationships, including the one between the sexes - could change for the better.

By phoenixfire75 on August 12, 2008 12:44
You are absolutely right. There are many kinds of abuse in which a spouse can inflict. Killing ones spirit can be both direct and insidious. And I would agree it requires action. The problem is again to some extent with the person receiving the abuse. Whoa, Whoa, do not say I am blaming the victim - and I will not try in the least to absolve the abuser of his crime. I do not think everyone needs to have great self-esteem either. But the behavior of the bad spouse needs to be checked early--else it becomes a kind of bizarre license to continue. Ironically both the parties get something out of it--but I do not want to get into that here. (Continued next msg)

By The Photo Ranger on August 12, 2008 20:16
What do you say to a woman who seems to be beaten down, her spirit being killed slowly or already at the bottom? Ideally you want to get them into counseling ASAP, but this is not always an option. Yes, down deep, I want go and grab that abuser by the throat and bang their head against the wall while repeating "you will not be doing that to my daughter or this will feel like a vacation." Yes, I am human as well - but that solution would only get me into jail. (Continued next msg)

By The Photo Ranger on August 12, 2008 20:16
Ultimately the abused person has to realize that they can have a life outside of this relationship, they deserve better, and find some agency to help them out. They should reach out to friends and family if possible or other support groups. And if that abused person was a friend of mine, I would encourage them to formulate an escape plan. Now this is assuming that the bad person is unredeemable and that the victim does not love the abuser too much to actually take action--that is another can of worms. (Continued next msg)

By The Photo Ranger on August 12, 2008 20:16
It is true that the actions of the parents affect the soul of the child. It is sad that often those who wish to marry do not consider better their potential mate and not believe that they will change them later.

By The Photo Ranger on August 12, 2008 20:16

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